Just as first prophesied by the blind seers so many nights ago when the blood moon hung low in the squalid night sky and the unholy wolf matron feasted upon her newborn, today is… JUDGMENT DAY.

This being the conclusion of the debut CerealBlogger contest, I, like the second place competitor in the world gang-bang championships, would just like to thank everyone who entered. (I’ll be here all week, be sure to tip your waiter!) You all tried your best and thats totally admirable. Sadly we could only pick 2 winners. After a long night of somber contemplation we emerged from the CerealBlogger conclave with 2 entries that we felt best embodied the spirit of the competition. Then Russ showed up and we had to redo the whole thing. We are still working on it actually, so give me a few more minutes. You know what, by the time you get to the next paragraph we should have our minds made up…

Ok, verdict rendered!

First, we would like to offer our congratulations to Megan, winner of the David “Sinbad” Adkins Award for Comedic Excellence. As demonstrated by this voyeuristic snippet of erotic breakfast fan fiction reproduced below, Megan clearly gets it.

Oh Snap, Krackle, Pop
Get me some elf love in milk
Hot breakfast three way

Next is tshirt, who will be taking home the prestigious William “Frosted Blakes” Blake Award for Poetic Competence in recognition of the best overall haiku, shown below. In case you were wondering if we like self-referential material on our site, I hope this clears things up…

cheerios go first,
then honey bunches of oats,
to get good end milk.

And lastly, Colibris. Sweet, gentle Colibris. It would seem that luck was on your side good reader, for when the fated die was cast upon the scorched earth beneath my kitchen table a 14 appeared and you were granted entry to the pages of eternal CerealBlogger lore as the first recipient of the Lou Gehrig Luckiest-Man-Alive Award.

sometimes all you need
are tiny cookies in a bowl
and a morning beer.

To those of you who didn’t win this time, just remember the story of the unholy wolf matron who lost the poetry contest. And if it makes you feel better, I was pulling for you like crazy but those other guys…man those other guys wouldn’t know a haiku if it was spelled out in Alpha-Bits and written by Bear Silber. You can check here for the full list of entries.

We will be contacting the winners shortly and sending out the goods shortly after that. Stay tuned for more attempts to buy your love with prizes! (Also we still write funny cereal articles so keep reading those.)